This year I have been growing in my Christianity like never before. God put it on my heart to give up something for Lent. I have never celebrated Lent and never knew what it was all about. The extent of my Lent knowledge was that some people, whose religions told them to do so, gave up something for Lent. I knew that it was supposed to be something that you enjoyed, something that you didnt want to give up and from passover to Easter you gave it up. I knew that some religions (dont even know what religion it is) gave up meat on Fridays til Easter. Working in the restaurant business taught me that. Thats all I knew and I thought it was only for certain religions. I thought for a while about why was I going to give up something and what would it be that I would give up.
I started to research Lent and found out that it is so much more than just giving up something that you like. It is to be a time of prayer and reflection and sacrifice. This intrigued me. What would it be that I gave up? Chocolate? Sweets? Soda? Coffee? I do like all of these things but I wanted it to be something much more meaningful. SO I began to pray that God would lay it on my heart what it was that He wanted me to give up. God had already been working on me in a certain area, a bad habit so to speak, yelling at my children. Some of you will say that this is horrible, how could i ever yell at my children! Others will say that this is normal, that all moms yell at their kids. It was acceptable and normal for quite a while in my home, until God started to work on me in this area, telling me that it is not acceptable. So it became very clear to me that God wanted me to give up yelling and screaming, raising my voice in general.
I have not spent enough time in prayer or reflection regarding the yelling, this condition of my heart. But with Gods help, with Gods grace I have begun to do less yelling and am aware of my yelling more now than ever. Sometimes it is necessary to speak louder to get attention or to communicate between rooms and floors of the house, but yelling AT my children is not ever necessary! Screaming AT my children out of anger is never acceptable! Today I am making a commitment to pray every day several times a day that God will supply me with the grace and mercy necessary to continue to work in this area. I am committing today to continue to change this bad habit and turn it into a good habit of speaking only in love. I desire so badly to have a love walk, not an anger walk. After all anger is submitting to the Devil to live by his ways and never brings glory to God. Anger opens doors for Satan to walk into my life and have his way messing things up and hurting others. I do not want to be angry and I certainly do not want to open the door for Satan to enter my life my home or my relationships.
I am not a perfect mother or wife and I am definitely not a perfect person. I do not think that I will ever be perfect, but I would like to be better. I would like to be pleasing and acceptable to God. I would like for God to look down on me at any time and say "that is my daughter and she is pleasing to me"! I will continue to work in this area and I will work diligently during the rest of this Lenten season. I will pray every day several times a day. I will be a better mother, a better wife and a better person striving to be more like Christ walking in love. I will put on Gods Armor and continue to fight the enemies of the unseen world. I will begin to walk in love. I will have the fruits of the Spirit. This is a heart condition, as my cousin so wonderfully puts it, and I want my heart condition to be that of love.
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